Tied to the mast
…but orange now and black

Epigraphs

“High school’s full of phonies”
— Holden Caulfield

“Interconnection is not presence.”
Roger Cohen

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
–A friend who was trained in the Jordanian army

“Neither you nor I are anti-semantic.”
–Gene Simmons, being interviewed by Terry Gross and having established that they’re both Jewish

“Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.”
–H.G. Wells (a noted advocate for an defender of eugenics)

“None but fools, my boy, and profligates are unwell”
— Prince Nikolay Andreivitch Bolkonsky, in “War and Peace”

“It looks like it’s a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.”
–Tim Gunn

“If art is the tip of the iceberg, I’m the part sinking below.”
–Lou Reed, in “Small Town”

“He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who’ll get one.”
–Kurt Vonnegut, in “Slaughterhous Five”

“Don’t be like the niggas on the other side / Hating me cause I’m beautiful.”
–Nas

“Searching for a heroine to do the paronym of this sentence’s lexical subject”
–Weev, giving an example of a banned Craigslist ad

“My quest for knowledge led me to obtain a Bachelor’s degree in Communications and Politics.”
–From the “About” page at the conspiracist Vigilant Citizen‘s blog (Am I being a snob with this? I really just think it’s adorable.)

“It is a tribute to the first amendment that this kind of vile contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated.”
–Barney Frank

“In the po-mo world of the hyper real. That was like a red hammer and sickle thong and a pair of bare over-sized breasts the size of Russia itself.”
–A friend

“If someone’s chasing you down the street with a knife you just run, you don’t turn around and shout, ‘Give it up! I was a track star for Mineola Prep.'”
–Frank O’Hara

“I’m coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don’t want some dumb blonde. I’d like a woman who is really intelligent.”
— David Hasselhoff

“All this — / was for you, old woman. / I wanted to write a poem / that you would understand. / For what good is it to me / if you can’t understand it? / But you got to try hard —”
–William Carlos Williams, January Morning (Hat tip to Carmine Starnino)

“I got pennies for my thoughts / Now I’m rich / See the 20’s spinnin’ / Looking mean on the 6 / wearing flags / Cause the colors match they clothes / The get caught in the wrong hood / And filled up with holes / Motherfucka'”
–Dre (hat-tip, Cheyns)

“We did not decide to become robots… There was an accident in our studio. We were working on our sampler, and at exactly 9:09 a.m. on September 9, 1999, it exploded. When we regained consciousness, we discovered that we had become robots.”
–silver-domed automaton Bangalter

“It is pretty to see all the colors shining with the sun. That day we met a beautiful lady named Rebeca who does wonders with the glasses from the beach. She creates jewelry with it and of course I bought a necklace from her that will remind me off Guantanamo Bay :)”
–Miss Universe

“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men….when thou prayest, enter into thy closet and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret….”
–Matthew 6:5-6

tranquilReaver: “Quotations from the Internet are usually incorrect” – Plato
Introvert: “”Quotations from Plato are usually incorrect” – The Internet
baconcatman: “”Fuck the internet!” – Plato
abnormalsyndrome: “Fuck Plato!” – The Internet
zophan: Not ANOTHER fight between Plato and The Internet… Third time this year…
Reddit

“Jacob, who is 5, straightened his tiny tie under his green cardigan and used his index finger to track his place on the page. “A rat and a rabbit went down the slide.”
““Thank you,” said Sawicki. “And can you tell our guest what you like about the Excellence School?”
““I like that I get to wear a sweater with buttons,” he said, glancing down at his uniform. “And I like that I’m going to college.””
–NYT article on Single-Sex Public Education

“Just as America’s young men are being given deeply erroneous ideas about sex by what they watch on the Web, so, too, are America’s young women receiving troubling misinformation about the male of the species from Twilight. These women are going to be shocked when the sensitive, emotionally available, poetry-writing boys of their dreams expect a bit more from a sleepover than dew-eyed gazes and chaste hugs. The young man, having been schooled in love online, will be expecting extreme bondage and a lesbian three-way.”
–Grady Hendrix, on Twilight

“It would seem that she is addressing a group of young feminist theorists in the academy who are neither students of philosophy, caring about what Althusser and Freud and Kripke really said, nor outsiders, needing to be informed about the nature of their projects and persuaded of their worth. This implied audience is imagined as remarkably docile. Subservient to the oracular voice of Butler’s text, and dazzled by its patina of high-concept abstractness, the imagined reader poses few questions, requests no arguments and no clear definitions of terms.”
— Martha Nussbaum on Judith Butler

“When a person speaks, his joys and sorrows shine through, even if only in part, wouldn’t you say? That’s God’s truth, said Jose Patricio. Well, when these figments of mine speak among themselves, even though I don’t understand their words, I can tell for a fact that their joys and sorrows are big, said Florita. How big? asked Sergio. Florita fixed him with her gaze. She opened the door. He could feel the Sonora night brushing his back like a ghost. Huge, said Florita. As if they know they’re beyond the law? No, no, no, said Florita, it has nothing to do with the law.”
–2666, p. 572 of the English paperback

“He meets a jazz musician who tells him about chickens that talk and probably think.
“‘The worst of it,’ the musician says to him, ‘is that the governments of the planet know it and that’s why so many people raise chickens.
“The boy objects that the chickens are raised to be eaten. The musician says that’s what the chickens want. And he finishes by saying:
“‘Fucking masochist chickens, they have our leaders by the balls.'”
–2666, p. 719 of the English paperback

““The triumph over beauty is completed by humor, the malicious pleasure elicited by any successful deprivation. There is laughter because there is nothing to laugh about. Laughter, whether reconciled or terrible, always accompanies the moment when a fear is ended. It indicates a release, whether from physical danger or from the grip of logic. Reconciled laughter resounds with the echo of escape from power; wrong laughter copes with fear by defecting to the agencies which inspire it. It echoes the inescapability of power. Fun is a medicinal bath which the entertainment industry never ceases to prescribe. It makes laughter the instrument for cheating happiness.”
–Horkheimer and Adorno, in The Dialectic of Enlightenment, 1950

“The tradition of the oppressed teaches us that the “state of emergency” in which we live is not the exception but the rule. We must attain to a conception of history that is in keeping with this insight. Then we shall clearly realize that it is our task to bring about a real state of emergency, and this will improve our position in the struggle against Fascism. One reason why Fascism has a chance is that in the name of progress its opponents treat it as a historical norm. The current amazement that the things we are experiencing are “still” possible in the twentieth century is not philosophical. This amazement is not the beginning of knowledge—unless it is the knowledge that the view of history which gives rise to it is untenable.”
–Walter Benjamin, Theses on the Philosophy of History, 1940

http://xkcd.com/610/

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